is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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