My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The air taste purple.
Randomize
