dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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