The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
