I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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