She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
