I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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