I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
