how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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