I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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