i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
