White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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