Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
