bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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