i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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