Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
