I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
