He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
