My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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