I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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