I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sext me about skeletons
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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