I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
