i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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