Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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