woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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