It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
