i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
