I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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