I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
