Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
