haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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