im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will pee on everything he values.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
