haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
