The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
