my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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