I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
