You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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