If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
