The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
