I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
