dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
