He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
