Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
