We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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