Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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