if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
