i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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