Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The Olympian is in my bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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