I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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