if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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