Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
