He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
