We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
