I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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