Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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