If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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