WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
