the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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