True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
