i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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