eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
