Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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