she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
