i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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