I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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