My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
