she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
