I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
40s are totally the cure
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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