she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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