# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
