My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
