i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
