I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
