Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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