Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
