Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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