It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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