We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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