Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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