Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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