So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
