she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
