your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
