Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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