It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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